The ‘Pulp Fiction’ of the Bible…

In the words of George Castanza, ‘I’m BACK, BABY, George is BACK!’  It is great to be back in the saddle and bloggin’ with the best of’em…

My adventures down in Corpus Christi were simply incredible!  For 1 month I have been planning this trip with these 3 guys.  Every day I would ask them, ‘are we still good to go?  Do I need to talk to your parents or anything in regards to our trip South?’  The answers were always the same, ‘yes and no.’  Yes they were good to go and no they did not need me to speak to their parents…except for one.  So on Thursday night, the night before we are gonna leave, I get a text message (such a horrible way to communicate important information, you know?) from one of the guys saying that he just told his mom (after knowing about this trip for a month, he is just telling his mom the night before, ugh!) and she says that he cannot go.  5 minutes later, I get another text from another guy and he says, ‘if what’s his face ain’t going, then he doesn’t want to go and leave his boy alone during Spring Break.’  10 minutes later….you know what is coming!  The last guy does the exact same thing!  He bales on me because his friends are not going now!  I was pretty livid, to say the least, that night.  I could hardly sleep.  Lots of praying.  Friday morning was interesting… I gave the boys till 10 a.m. to let me know.  They all said that they were still out.  And so I moved on.  I called 1 guy and he immediately said that he was in!  Even if it was just me and him going?  He said, ‘Oh, Heck yeah!’  Corpus Christi?  Who wouldn’t want to go there?  Well, I can give you the names of 3 guys!  10 minutes after that guy was in, I get a text from 2 of the ‘old guys’ saying they are BACK IN!  Incredible!  So it ended up being 2 of the old guys and 1 new guy.  Great Time…  Sun, Sand, Fish, Food, Friends, Putt-Putt, Boogie Boards, Skim Boards, Injuries, Paint Ball, X-Box 360, Halo 3, Call of Duty 4, More Food, More Fun, Deeper Relationships!  ‘Love People to LIFE!’

OK, during all of this frustration, I am still reading in the Daily Bible.  My Pastor calls the Book of Judges the Pulp Fiction of the Bible!  Do you remember that movie Pulp Fiction?  Pretty crazy movie.  Produced by Quinton Tarantino.  Weird Cat.  Very Creative.  Anyhow, I thought that I would share with you some of this Hollywood style drama that is taking place…

Judges 3:15-25, ‘Again the Israelites cried out to the LORD, and he gave them a deliverer—Ehud, a left-handed man, the son of Gera the Benjamite. The Israelites sent him with tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a foot and a half long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing.  He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man.  After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way the men who had carried it.  At the idols near Gilgal he himself turned back and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.” 
The king said, “Quiet!” And all his attendants left him.  Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his summer palace and said, “I have a message from God for you.” As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly.  Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it.  Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.  After he had gone, the servants came and found the doors of the upper room locked. They said, “He must be relieving himself in the inner room of the house.”  They waited to the point of embarrassment, but when he did not open the doors of the room, they took a key and unlocked them. There they saw their lord fallen to the floor, dead.’

Is this crazy or WHAT?  Insane!  I was amazed and baffled.  So Incredible…  But wait, there’s more.

Judges 4:17, 11, 18-22.  To give you some background, Barak and Deborah are pursuing Sisera to kill him to take claim of his land that the Lord had given to Barak and Deborah.  Sisera is on the run and the story picks up here… ‘Sisera, however, fled on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, because there were friendly relations between Jabin king of Hazor and the clan of Heber the Kenite.  Now Heber the Kenite had left the other Kenites, the descendants of Hobab, Moses’ brother-in-law, and pitched his tent by the great tree in Zaanannim near Kedesh.  Jael went out to meet Sisera and said to him, “Come, my Lord , come right in. Don’t be afraid.” So he entered her tent, and she put a covering over him.  “I’m thirsty,” he said. “Please give me some water.” She opened a skin of milk, gave him a drink, and covered him up.  Stand in the doorway of the tent,” he told her. If someone comes by and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say ‘No.’  But Jael, Heber’s wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted.  She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.  Barak came by in pursuit of Sisera, and Jael went out to meet him. “Come,” she said, “I will show you the man you’re looking for.” So he went in with her, and there lay Sisera with the tent peg through his temple-dead.’

An 18 inch sword into the belly of a fat king!  A tent peg hammered into the temple of a man who had 900 iron chariots…by a woman!

God now calls Gideon as His point person…Gideon is hesitant, as was Moses.  God proves to him by use of a fleece.  Judges 6:36-40.  Check out that passage. 

Then God tells Gideon, ‘You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into your hands.  In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her, announce now to the people, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’  So 22,000 men left…while 10,000 remained!  2/3 of the Army trembled in fear and so they left!  Seriously?  And God says that 10,000 is still too many!  Gideon takes these 10,000 men down to the water to drink and the ones that ‘lap the water with the tongues like a dog’ rather than those who kneel down to drink are the ones that will fight!  The number?  300!  Oh My Stars!  So God has widdled Gideon’s Army down from 22,000 men to 300!  Totally Insane…  Well, Gideon wins.  With God on his side, anything is possible now.

Lots of death.  Lots of deceit.  Lots of killing.  Lots of children, sex, prostitutes, concubines, women.  And lastly…

There was the really bad man named Abimelech who killed his 70 BROTHERS just so he could be ruler.  He is gonna try to take captive this tower and everyone in it, but everyone had locked themselves in the tower and  climbed to the top.  Abimelech went to the tower and stormed it.  But as he approached the entrance to the tower to set it on fire, a woman dropped an upper millstone on his head and cracked his skull!  When the Israelites saw that Abimelech was dead…the went home!

So there you have it.  This is quite a lot, I know.  Thanks for reading and making it to the end. 

This is a GOOD FRIDAY!  EASTER IS COMIN’ SOON!